So here I find myself again. After going through a whirl wind of giving birth to a beautiful baby boy and finding my feet as a mother of a rambunctious two year old, I find myself trying to go back to my roots.
I have found being a stay at home Mom one of the most fulfilling jobs in my life, and yet the one that has driven me the most crazy. Our son has changed our lives in ways we've never thought possible. From the everyday mundane, like getting out the door in less than five minutes is impossible now, to the overall epiphanies, like how much bigger and scarier the world becomes when you have to care for and defend this small creature that has no clue what danger truly is!
But with in all this I have also found that hidden desire to once again go back to who I am as my own person. It took a while to figure that out. As a new mother I threw myself into the every day workings that is raising a child. And though I loved it and I loved him more than anything, I still found myself getting upset easily and feeling burnt out. Compound this with the Mommy guilt of feeling like you're never able to do enough in a day and I was about ready to fall off the deep end. But, slowly, I started to work on bringing back the small parts of me that keep me grounded. Cooking a meal, drying some herbs, getting a new book on an interesting subject that has nothing to do with raising a child. And taking time each day to just relax and breathe. To have some me time.
And that is how I found myself back to here. Before I would pressure myself to post, feel guilty that I didn't. Like I was failing at some regiment. And what would people think if I didn't write a post in a while? Well, it wasn't the end of the world. In fact it was good to take the time to figure these things out. But I am also glad to be typing these words again, to be reflecting on my new way of living and honoring it. This new phase of mother hood has really made me think of what I want to do and where I want to go from here. That being a mother isn't the only thing I have to do, even if it is a big part of my life now.
It is amazing how life changes so quickly. How something can happen in a day and make it seem like yesterday was a lifetime ago. And that is what happened when my Alex came into the world. The life I lived before that day was completely different than the day he was born and it changed my life forever. And I will never forget it.
It seems like a lifetime ago, and yet it was only yesterday.
